Hello. How are you? I hope this letter reach you well.

For the past few days the social membrane in where one exist in have been stirred by pure unadulterated response to pain from everyone involved. It is, a discourse about the genders. Yes, I know my love, discourse about gender and the sexes, dating, attraction, love, all of that is fleeting and ever lasting. I know it far too well, the scars on the flesh of my heart shows it quite clearly, but this one, pushes a little discussion about the current state of things, and well, the current state of me.

It’s scary to see how much pain the entire thing seems to generate for both side. Ah, I should probably tell you what it was all about first shouldn’t I. The lady who sparked the whole deal stated that she finds men crying to be a sort of turn off. Speaking purely from memory she exclaimed how she doesn’t mind men being emotional, but she expect that in a relationship men is supposed to be the one who is more stable. She then brings up evo-psych stuff that I honestly don’t have any interest in putting in my head lest I burns off more of my precious brain space for I know it’s too alluring of a method of analysis.

I remembered the tone being charitable, but, I understand the vigour behind why people are as we call it in the industry, dunked, on the poor lady. For the past who knows how long men were told to be more emotional, men were told that we talk about our emotions more, and how “toxic masculinity”, another term I truly despise not for it’s meaning but for it’s lack of clear distinction from the original word, is forcing men to be less emotional, and then being thrown this sort of curve ball about how showing emotions “not in the right time” is a turn off.

And the only reason I’m writing about this to you, my dear, is because I too, am hurt. Not just because it confirmed something I thought was true, that the general population’s perspective of men’s emotions is that it is something that is supposed to be rare and kept away unless in socially accepted positions, but also how much fervour both sides are at putting blame on the other gender.

There are discussions. Behind close doors, where we are capable of being more open and vulnerable, where the people does not have to hedge their positions in fear of it being taken out of context of not just the discussion but also the person they’re talking to. Discussions with nuance, about how that it’s complicated. That attraction isn’t really a generalizable thing. That she’s speaking from a personalized point of view. How maybe there is some truth in what she’s speaking, but also truth in what people are saying to her. That maybe, humans are complicated. I too had a lot of thoughts and emotions, but I always like to keep my head out of discourse. The only things I posted was my wish for everyone to stop being mean to each other, and this.

I will only embody my Yang properly once I’m allowed to express my Yin properly

I believe that masculinity and femininity are intertwined, Yin and Yang. They are complementary, and they must be allowed to exist. As someone who, how do we put it nicely… Ah yes, is looking for a dommy mommy gf, I am trying to find something. I am trying to find someone who is willing to accept that I do have a strong feminine side, a strong Yin side, but also looking for someone who have a strong masculine side, a strong Yang side. Not that I think that I am someone who is mostly Yin, no. I like my Yang side. I think that part of me is really cool. It’s just that, my Yin side exist, and will not be repressed, and I need someone who is willing to accept that.

There was that one image, showing the “hard, stoic, large, powerful man” with their “lovely motherly woman” and how only with her can that man show his emotions. It’s a lovely, if not a little sad. Is that how we expect the two genders to be? For the man to be a constipated emotional mess, and the woman to be an emotional doormat? Why can’t both be in tune with their emotions, a stable place for both of them to be emotional with, but also both be powerful? I want a relationships where there are mutual trust and respect for one another, where we accept the Yin and Yang of each respective person, where we could take turn embodying our respective energies. Where I am stoic and stable not because I was forced to do so, but because I know that I can be vulnerable and emotional if I so need to be.

I have no problem with leading. I have no problem with being the bread maker. I have no problem sheltering and protecting. I have no problem being the stable structure in which you rest your head on. But I also have no problem with expressing my emotions. I have no problem being soft and endearing. I have no problem with nurturing and listening. And I hope that you do too. I’m not asking that you are this way from the start. I’m not. I’m just asking that you trust me that there are more to me than what you’re seeing right now. That I am a person with complex emotions. And I hope that you are willing to trust me enough to show that side of yourself as well. I will do my best to not just accommodate and not judge, but also to love every part of yourself.

I love you. May our relationship blooms as we grow as fully embodied individuals, capable of accepting every bit of our self without the shackle of societal expectations, at the very least in between the two of us.

Thank you,
Your loveable dork.

Nobu.